Healing a Broken Heart After Loss
A Grief Therapist’s Perspective on What Actually Helps
If you’re grieving and your heart feels broken, I want to start by saying something important:
What you’re feeling makes sense.
Grief doesn’t just live in your thoughts. It lives in your body, your nervous system, your memories, and your relationships. When someone we love is gone—or when life changes in a way we didn’t choose—it can feel like something inside us has cracked open.
Over the years of serving as a Grief Therapist, I’ve had the honor of sitting with many people who say the same thing in different ways:
“I feel like my heart is shattered, and I don’t know how to put it my life back together.”
This blog isn’t about rushing healing or pretending the pain isn’t real. It’s about making room your grief and understanding what a “broken heart” really is after loss—and how healing actually happens.
What a “Broken Heart” Really Means in Grief
When people talk about a broken heart, they’re not being dramatic. They’re describing a real experience.
Grief disrupts your sense of safety, connection, and meaning. The bond you had didn’t just disappear—it was part of how your brain and body learned to feel secure and loved.
From a grief therapy perspective, a broken heart often includes:
Deep sadness and longing
A sense of emptiness or ache in the chest
Trouble concentrating or sleeping
Waves of emotion that come without warning
Feeling disconnected from the world around you
This isn’t weakness. It’s attachment. Love doesn’t end when someone dies or when a relationship changes. And the nervous system takes time to learn how to live without what it was bonded to.
Why Grief Hurts So Much Physically and Emotionally
Grief has been clinically proven to affect parts the brain and nervous system.
When we lose someone, the brain doesn’t immediately understand that the person is permanently gone. Parts of the brain still expect connection, routine, and comfort. This is why grief can feel confusing and overwhelming.
You might notice:
Tightness in your chest
Fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest
Brain fog or forgetfulness
Strong reactions to reminders, dates, or places
In trauma therapy and EMDR, we understand that these reactions are not problems to eliminate. They are signals that your nervous system is still trying to protect you from pain.
A broken heart isn’t something to fix. It’s something to tend.
The Myth of “Getting Over” a Broken Heart
One of the most painful messages grieving people receive is that they should be “moving on.”
From a grief counselor’s perspective, healing does not mean forgetting, replacing, or getting over someone you loved.
Healing means reconciliation.
Reconciliation is the process of allowing two truths to exist at the same time:
“I have lost someone I deeply love, and I am forever changed.”
And
“I can still experience meaning, connection, and even joy again.”
Grief therapy is not about closing your heart. It’s about helping your heart grow around the loss.
How Grief Therapy Helps Heal a Broken Heart
In grief therapy, we don’t rush the pain. We help you move through it safely.
Some of the most important parts of healing include:
1. Letting Grief Come in Waves
You don’t have to feel everything all at once. Healthy mourning happens in doses. Cry for a while. Then rest. Remember. Then take a break. This is how the nervous system survives loss.
2. Understanding Guilt and Regret
Many people carry guilt after loss—“I should have…” or “If only I had…”
In grief counseling, we explore these thoughts gently and help you understand what was truly within your control.
3. Continuing Bonds
Healing doesn’t require letting go of love. Writing letters, listening to music, keeping traditions, or honoring memories are healthy ways to stay connected.
4. Making Sense of What Changed
Loss changes your identity, your routines, and your future. Grief therapy creates space to name those changes and grieve them—without judgment.
When a Broken Heart Is Tied to Trauma
Sometimes grief is complicated by trauma—especially when the loss was sudden, violent, or involved prolonged suffering.
You might notice:
Intrusive images or memories
Panic or intense emotional reactions
Feeling numb or disconnected
Avoiding reminders of the loss
This is where EMDR therapy can be especially helpful. EMDR helps the brain reprocess painful memories so they no longer feel as raw or overwhelming. It doesn’t erase love or memory—it reduces suffering.
As an EMDR therapist, I often work with people whose grief feels “stuck” because their nervous system hasn’t had a chance to process what happened. I tell my clients who are grappling with this, that trauma can often stifle our brain’s ability to process loss. It’s important to process trauma in order to make room for your grief.
Healing Doesn’t Mean Your Heart Goes Back to the Way It Was
This part matters.
After loss, your heart doesn’t return to its old shape. And that’s not a failure.
The person you lost doesn’t suddenly leave your heart just because they are gone. By moving forward, your heart isn’t closing off or forgetting them, it’s expanding so it can let more love in. In grief therapy, we honor what was broken and what has grown.
Many people discover:
New depth and compassion
Strength they didn’t know they had
A greater capacity for empathy and love
This doesn’t make the loss “worth it.” It means you are human—and resilient.
Practical Ways to Care for a Broken Heart
Here are a few gentle practices I often suggest in grief counseling:
Create a small ritual (lighting a candle, saying their name, writing a note)
Move your body gently (walking, stretching, breathing exercises)
Stay hydrated and nourished—grief depletes the body
Choose safe people to talk with (what I call your “therapeutic third”)
Let joy come when it does, without guilt
You’re allowed to laugh and cry in the same season.
A Final Word If Your Heart Feels Broken
If your heart feels shattered, you are not failing at grief.
You are loving.
Healing doesn’t happen by pushing pain away. It happens when pain is met with safety, compassion, and time. Whether through grief therapy, trauma therapy, or EMDR, support can help your heart heal in a way that honors your story.
If you’re looking for a grief therapist or Tampa therapist to walk with you through this season, you don’t have to do it alone.
Your heart may be broken—but it is still capable of healing, connection, and hope.
* Disclaimer: All information is for educational purposes and is not intended to replace formal mental health services.
